


It's Lonely at the Top

by SayakasLittleBoxOfDreams



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Get loved on, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lots of cuddling/hugging, No formal confession, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Now you have the big sad, Other, Possibly Unrequited Love, Suicide Attempt, There is hope in here somewhere, They just assumed they were in love, This is highkey just a monologue of a very depressed fan, fool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SayakasLittleBoxOfDreams/pseuds/SayakasLittleBoxOfDreams
Summary: It's been several years since you've risen to the position of Champion; the head of your beloved Region of Galar. It was great at the beginning: the adrenaline rush found within battle, the blazing fire that burst from inside of you upon victory, the unrelenting love from your fans before and after every battle...Whatever excitement and ambition you found in it was quickly sapped from you once you realized that the excitement, adoration, and attention was not something that lasted forever. Being Champion meant you spent the time not devoted to battling on important affairs concerning Galar.Isolation and loneliness encapsulates you, further distancing you from your fans, family, and friends.... pulling you farther and farther in, until the only decision you think you have left is to jump down from your place at the top.
Relationships: Hop (Pokemon)/Original Character(s), Hop (Pokemon)/Reader
Comments: 32
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> MASSIVE PLOT SPOILERS FOR SWORD/SHIELD GAMEPLAY????
> 
> I wrote this all in one sitting!!! I haven't been able to focus on my other fan works I have in queue because my guilt over Hop is too strong T~T I can't think about other characters in the game without thinking about Hop and how tragic the storyline is!!! (At least to me!! The guilt of winning killed me!! It was like the player winning was inevitable and we could do nothing to stop it!)
> 
> I wish we could've been the supporting character for him instead!! I would've loved to see the little angel succeed in his little legacy in the most smashing way possible, and get to see HIM in the Champion's spot! 
> 
> I possess what is very likely an unhealthy amount of guilt over the outcome for a character that doesnt even exist, so I condensed it all into a tragic little one shot like this. Sorry not sorry??? 333:  
> Any-whoosies, lemme know if y'all are interested in another chapter of this?? Those who know me know how much I hate sad/hopeless endings.... 
> 
> Also yes, I am painfully aware Luxray is not a pokemon that you can find in Galar, but do I care? Not particularly... my sweet baby needs more recognition anyways T~T I miss having a Luxray lead my team. I've missed that since GENERATION FREAKING FOUR, WHEN I  
> FIRST  
> STARTED  
> PLAYING  
> POKEMON!!!! 12 YEARS AGO NOW!!!!  
> (Get the hint, Gamefreak! Bring Luxray back!!)

"Luxie, it's so lonely at the top…" she cried, her face feeling as if it were pulsing with fire, her cheeks, temples, and forehead all puffy and red with a flurry of fervent emotion. Frustration, Emptiness, Fear, Confusion, Sadness, Hopelessness; all such heavy feelings filled her hollow heart. 

"I can hardly call it the top, Lux." She breathed hoarsely, each respiration becoming shorter and shallower as she curled her arms around her torso and sunk into herself. Her darling lion-esque electric Lynx watched her carefully, eyes watching her every move, anticipating when she would move next. He would be there for her when she fell.

"They said this would be so fulfilling and invigorating and so much fun…" Y/n sat up to face Lux, sitting upright in her rolling computer chair. "It was fun for a little while… I love spending time with you and everyone else on our team… but not having another human with you hurts after a while, you know?" The (h/c) sobbed, her head falling into the support of her hands. "I've just been waiting for the moment that we finally lose and I can just give all of this up! I hate being in this stupid spot where I'm idolized, but completely isolated. As if I'm some sort of treasure on display that says 'look but don't touch'!" She began to yell, bloodshot eyes now staring angry daggers into the ceiling. "This isn't any way to live, Lux! I hate having to shove all of my feelings down in consideration for the fans and people around me. I can't say or do something wrong and let them all down. It's like I can't be human! And it hurts so bad!" Her fist bashed into the soft wood of her desk which gave away immediately, leaving a sizable hole behind. Lux let out an angry and shocked yelp, now standing on all fours by his master's side. Y/n held her now bloodied fist with her uninjured hand, glaring at it. "I can't even tell the truth…" she whispered. The regretful champion stood up and walked over to the sliding glass door that led out to her balcony, staring at the brightly lit night skyline of Wyndon. 

"I can't tell them all the truth…how much I hate it here… I hate it here all alone…. I'm not an entertainer, I never wanted this. And since I'm already up here, who's going to believe me?" She breathed, opening up the door to her balcony and stepping outside. Her valiant Luxray sat on his haunches in the narrow doorway, still steadily listening to his pained trainer's monologue.

"Even if they did believe me, they would be so disappointed." She hiccupped, the air somehow escaping past the seemingly immeasurable and painful lump that had formed in her throat in the beginning of her emotional tirade. She sighed, laying her hands on the concrete railing of the balcony. The cool, humid night air swept through her (h/l) (h/c) hair, running across her bright red face and flushed skin.  
She let her weepy eyes close, her tear-soaked lashes brushing against the tops of her blotchy, tear-streaked cheeks. 

"Leon would be upset that I gave up my spot so soon. I suppose it might be even disrespectful or hurtful to give up a spot so soon after it was rightfully stolen from him. He worked so hard to maintain it for so long, after all…."

"Bede would find me to be an idiot to give up a rank in which is so elite, so elusive and illustrious. He wouldn't be able to see past his question of wanting to desperately know why I would ever want to give up a position where I'm given so much adoration and attention… in truth, it's a hard position to be in, with that love being a hefty burden after a while…" 

Lux came next to his master y/n, affectionately brushing his side against the bare calf of her right leg. Y/n lovingly scratched behind his right ear, Lux giving a rough purr in response. 

"Maybe Marnie would partly feel the same as Bede, who knows. I could see her being disappointed with me not sticking to it for as however long as she thinks I should have. Like I didn't give enough effort or consideration into everything or something…"

A heavy, shuddering sigh left Y/n's lungs before she opened her mouth again. 

"But most importantly, Hop would blame himself, wouldn't he?" She smiled bitterly, looking at the ground that was so, so far below. "He would think that I only wanted to take pity on him, with that being my only reason for leaving. That I felt bad, and felt obligated to leave for his sake. You could say that I did deserve this place, because I did fight my way up to earn it, but that doesn't mean anything to me. I don't understand why everyone else wouldn't think of that same thing. But of course, they don't see it from the Victor's end, where you've already acquired this illustrious spot. They only see it from the envious eyes of the loving spectator's seat." She looked far off into the night sky, past all of the lights of the bustling city, past all of the trees of the wild area. Her eyes were so deeply focused onto one spot; but onto a spot in which was indeterminate. 

"I just wanted to be with him." She whispered. "I went with Hop because I wanted to be by his side. Forever. I went for the fun. For the memories. I went in hopes of getting closer to him. I didn't take being rivals seriously. I loved him too much to see him that way, and I still do. But I got too into the rush of winning. It was so easy; it came so easily to me. I had no hopes or dreams or aspirations; I just kept opening the doors as they came along, not thinking even once what would lie on the other side. I ran myself right into a trap, I did. And the last door locked behind me. With no way to talk to anybody. Nobody has understood me, and nobody will." She stated, no longer crying. Her expression and posture became one of a staunch coldness, just a hard shell of herself; the contents of her heart and soul being nothing but pain. 

"I do think the letter I wrote will help them understand. I worked really hard on it, after all."

Her heart ached, a pain in which had grown to a new degree. She didn't know it possible until it happened; she had grown accustomed to it hurting as much as it did all the time, unknowing that it could've hurt any more than it already had. 

"I just want to stop hurting. I just want to stop being alone."

Pushing her darling Luxray aside, Y/n climbed awkwardly up onto the railing. Gaining her balance, she stood tall over the city of Wyndon. A physical representation of her public image. 

"But from this spot, that's just not possible."

A painful, desperate shriek left the jaws of the now lone Luxray. His lunge forward didn't make it to her in time; his fangs just barely brushing the sides of her ankles. 

It was a long fall from the top. 

Maybe it would even be a worthwhile one. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To the darling people of Galar:

I'm sorry to be such a disappointment. I've got to be the worst Champion this Region has ever seen. But truthfully, I was never meant to be Champion. 

I never wanted to be Champion. I became a trainer to follow in the footsteps of the love of my life, who had began writing his own legacy among the stories of the Heroes of Old. I played alongside him, passionless, only there for the ride. 

By simple chance, and a truly tragic accident, I stole his future; his legacy, from him. A person like me, --who had no dreams or aspirations for themselves-- had stolen all hope and opportunity from an angel of a boy who had planned for his whole life to be the heroic Champion he had always dreamed to be. I singlehandedly did this, and did it blindly. I never noticed what I had done, or the gravity of what I had done, until I made it up here. 

What a lofty height it is, to be Champion. Up here so high, I can barely hear the cries of the adoring fans, I can barely feel the touches of loved ones. After a while, I hardly ever felt the touch of another human being. The attention is wondrous at first, until it staggers; dying out until there is none left to be had. The effect is so daunting. The loneliness encapsulates you. It becomes you. You drift further and further away from the ones you love. You get buried in work, expectations, and acts; all in part of keeping the People happy and satisfied. 

As Champion, everything you love and hold dear is stolen from you. Your time, your friends, your family, your hobbies, your health, your wellbeing…. 

At least, this all happens to the Champion who wins the spot not meant for them. 

I never wanted to be Champion. But I never realized that until it was too late. This outcome; maybe I deserved it. This future; maybe I earned it. This fate; I certainly chose it for myself, unwillingly or not.

I would never wish this life upon the next-- or any-- person who strove for a spot like mine. I can only pray that the Next will have an experience that resembles not a single aspect of my own. 

Let this be a lesson in lettings others speak the truths they so badly wish to share, no matter how that truth may effect you. If you do, it may save their very own lives. And that makes you a Champion in your own right. 

Your loving ex-Champion,

Y/N L/N of the Regal Galar Region.

~~~~~~~~~~

To Leon, Thank you for being such a good leader and role model. Thank you for teaching me the ropes and giving me my precious starter pokemon. I'm so sorry for letting you down like this. I know you have such a big, beautiful heart, so I feel like maybe you really will have it in your heart somewhere to be able to forgive me for all that I've done. Please continue to support Hop in all of his future endeavors :) 

P.S. I really hope you'll take back your rightful place as Champion of Galar. No one fit that position better than you.

To Marnie, I'm really glad you were able to take your big brother's position as Gym Leader. I know how much you love your hometown. You're such a beautiful, smart, hard worker. You were such an inspiration to me while we were trainers together. I can only hope that you will spread that inspiration and wisdom of yours to all that you meet <3

To Bede, I always really liked you. I could easily tell you had a little facade going on. You'd be so much more of a cutie if you were just honest with yourself! But, you really need to work on what you say to people. I'll never be able to forgive you for what you said to Hop! Best of luck to you in completing training… I want to see you someday become like Oberon, King of the Fairies!

To Sonia; please take care of my team for me. Let them live at your Pokemon Lab, if you will. If I could've just been more bold and honest, I could've told you honestly how much I realized I would have rather worked to become a pokemon nurse. I just didn't have the guts to admit it. It killed me inside to even imagine Hop thinking that I was coming to steal another dream of his away from him, you know? I shared stories of my Nurse dreams with my babies, and I think I got some of them excited or looking forward to that kind of future together. I don't want to let them down more than I already have, so that's why I would like to offer all of them to you. They love you and Hop so much.

And finally, To Hop, please take Lux for me. Love him like you would love one of your own. I'm sure he'll need the support. He likely saw me in my last hours, and will be hurt for quite a while. Please remind him every now and then how sorry I am. It's not his fault that this happened to me. Nobody else but my own.  
It's not your fault that I chose this way, either.  
I've been so blessed to call you my friend, my best friend. I wish I could've called you something more…  
And no, that doesn't mean 'more' as in a rival, you adorable dunce :)  
Take care, sweet boy. I wish the best for you in your pursuals to become a pokemon professor! You're so full of love, passion, and life, I just know you can do it! I wish I could be here to see you through it. Just know that I'll be watching over you in heaven.


	2. You can't leave me

Author note!!: due to physics and stuff, I do believe injuries sustained to the reader would be under the context that our reader is a thicc girl. Because I don't think a skinny girl--or one at least without a good bit of fat on her-- would've survived or suffered the same or similar injuries that I have listed below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It seemed that fate had laid it in Leon's hands to deliver Y/n's letters, and deliver he did. He took his time, grieving over and over with each person he united their letters with. Knowing Hop would be the most hurt, Leon left him for last. Leon arrived just after midnight at the Wedgehurst Laboratory, with Y/n's precious Luxray following closely behind him. 

Just two nights before, around 2:00AM, Galar's newest Champion, (Y/n) (L/n) committed suicide by jumping off of her 7th floor balcony. 

Once he received this news, Hop's body went up in flames. And at the same moment, his heart was shanked with frozen blades. 

The "good news" of the fault of Y/n's suicide not being his completely flew over his head. Fault did not matter. Feelings did not matter. Y/n was gone, and that was all there was to it. 

Many questions cycled erratically through the young man's mind.

How could she be so /stupid/?   
Why couldn't she just have told someone anyway?   
Why didn't she say anything BEFORE she officially became Champion?  
How did nobody notice?  
How did Leon not notice?  
How skinny did she get before she died?  
How many cuts did she give herself before she died?  
Did she suffer before she died, or was it quick? 

Why didn't /he/ notice?  
How could /he/ have been so /stupid/?

He fell to his knees, curling into his body and holding the back of his head in pure shock and terror. His breathing was immediately labored and shuddering before he burst. Tears came from his golden eyes like rivers, clear gems glistening in the low light of the laboratory. He screamed for what felt like hours. For hours, endless streams of meaningless expletives, profanity, wails, and cries erupted from Hop's throat.

Hop suddenly flew into a rage no one could keep him from.

Bookshelves were pulled down, books dumped from the shelves. Tables overturned, papers scattered everywhere, falling from the air like snow.   
Pillows from the couches ripped apart, the cotton inside joining the paper on the floor. 

And Leon could do nothing but watch; the combined pain of Hop's with the pain that he felt in his own heart was all too much. The shock of Y/n's actions-- and now Hop's own-- had him rooted to his spot in front of the now closed door to the laboratory.  
Leon had never seen Hop act like this. He never thought such violence and anger could ever possibly stem from someone as sweet and lighthearted as his little brother. He cried out for Hop to calm down, that they needed to talk about this, that things were going to be okay. That things weren't as they seemed.

But Hop was too far gone inside his rampant sea of heartbroken pain to hear anything his big brother had to say.

The luxray was afraid. He could feel the messy storm of all-consuming emotions unfurl and rage inside of Hop. He was scared of getting hurt. He was scared of all of the everything falling around him. It reminded him of how Y/n fell, and how he couldn't catch her. Lux cried helplessly, fearful of Hop's onslaught of indirect violence. 

Leon had to pin Hop to the ground on his back to stop him from moving, and it took several minutes of fighting back before he quit screaming, and a few more minutes to stop hyperventilating. Immediately afterwards Hop wrenched himself from Leon's grip, only to start vomiting, and crying once again. 

It was only until just before dawn that Hop was able to be still and silence himself, throwing himself carelessly into the long grey couch in the living room of the lab. Leon didn't know if he was finally asleep, or just silently laying there. Exhausted both emotionally and physically himself, Leon tossed a blanket over his younger brother's body; making sure it covered all of him before sitting beside him. Luxray lay at Leon's feet, who in which Leon pet before sitting back up. The man covered his face with his hands, unable to fathom a single thing for himself. He was too shocked to scream. Too surprised to cry. Too guilty to fall apart. 

But yet, there was hope. The hospital had put Y/n into emergency surgery as soon as she was admitted, and was pronounced dead after the successful surgery while in the recovery room. Y/n was pronounced dead for a few hours, yes. But while the hospital workers ran around, frantically making preparations, a beat reawakened and was heard on the heart monitor. 

The poor girl of just 22 years sustained a significant amount of damage. Three ribs were broken, all of the others cracked. A rib punctured her left lung. Her entire right leg was broken, her left hand and wrist crushed when her body landed on top of it at a strange angle. She bruised her hip, and had nearly dislocated it. Her right cheek was swollen due to her accidentally biting and tearing into the inside when she made impact with the ground. She had both internal bleeding and a brain bleed, but miraculously survived. She had somehow landed in grass, and it was speculated by doctors that because it rained heavily that night, the muddy earth and plush grass truly did cushion her fall. Had she fallen onto concrete, she wouldn't have had any chance of surviving. 

But this news would have to wait until his poor sibling woke up, wouldn't it? 

~~~~~~~~

"She's having a hard time staying conscious, and she's on a lot of pain medications, so she's not going to be much like herself right now, okay?" 

Despite being covered in different bandages, casts, and hooked up to a billion machines, something about her still managed to look absolutely adorable. She was wrapped up in warm clothing, blankets, and surrounded by stuffed animals of many kinds. 

Broken, infantile cries came from Y/n as Hop held her hand. As if she was afraid of him, but couldn't move and had no way to tell him. 

The once illustrious e/c gems that were Y/n' eyes were now dull and unfocused, staring into nothingness, not looking at him. 

"Y/n, love, it's Hop, I'm here… are you up?" 

She slowly took his hand into both of hers and pulled his arm closer onto her chest, until she could wrap both her arms around his. She began to sob, her face screwing up into even more of a broken mess as tears fell down her reddened face. 

As if he was just like her, he found himself unable to do anything but cry. He gently laid his head above her right shoulder, so that he could offer more of his arm to her. His free hand stroked her hip and waist. Anything to make her feel better. 

"M-'M s'rry Hoooppppp! F-furgive m-meeee, Hoooppppp!" She bawled, squishing her face into the side of his spiky haired head in another act of affection she tried so hard to come up with. She wished she could just mold her body into his, but her body was bathed in such an intense state of hurt that she could just barely move. 

Overwhelmed with love for his dear childhood friend, Hop tearfully wiped away the stray hairs from Y/n's face and kissed her forehead. He breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of the girl he loved. "Oh no, no no no…" he whispered to her, freeing his hand from her grip just to hold her face and nuzzle his nose into the side of her cheek. Between sobs he peppered her face in kisses, all the while Y/n wrapped her arms around his strong neck in the tightest hug she could manage in her broken state. "It's okay Y/n, I'm not mad. Not mad at all…. I'm just so glad you're here with me… so, so glad."   
There was no answer from the girl in response to him, only pathetic whimpers and sniffles. "Hop…Hop…Hop…" she repeated his name over and over, as if it were the most important world in the world; the most important, the most painful, the most loved, the most heartbreaking. The multitude of her tears had it so that her vision was blurred, and she couldn't clearly see him. "Don't leave me, Hop, please don't leave me…" she begged, whimpering in that heartwrenching way. "Please don't hate me, please, /please/…." She begged pathetically, her head curling into her hands as she broke out sobbing again. 

"I'll never leave you, really, I won't. I'd die before I left you." He stated with devoted seriousness, cringing at his use of the word 'die'. "That goes the same for hating you. I never could. And I won't." 

He stroked the sides of her jaw that were unhidden by her hands, stroking the messy h/c strands of her gorgeous h/l hair out of the way of her face, encouraging her to look at him. 

Yet another sob broke out of Y/n's mouth before she spoke, her voice so small and far away, but so sweet and shy all the same. "I love you, Hop. I really really love you. It hurts. I love you so much that it hurts."

Hop smiled brokenly, his golden eyes filling with tears that pooled over and spilled down his beautiful flushed cheeks. The smile reached his eyes, making them gleam in the vivacious way that Y/n adored so much. He grasped her unbroken hand with his, lacing every single one of their fingers together. Hop's right hand moved to cup her left cheek, tilting her head upwards to look at him, who was standing slightly hunched over her and the bed. Their eyes locked, and Y/n found it impossible to look away. She wanted these eyes watching her forever; to always be on her and her only. No matter what, her eyes would be on him for the rest of forever, and she could only hope the same for him. 

Slowly Hop began to close the gap between them, and Y/n could feel his warm breath on his face. It was slightly labored, which made her blush brightly. 

He grinned his beautiful grin, and let out a breathy laugh that made shivers run down the broken girl's spine. He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

Hop got even closer, Y/n's lips parting by instinct, ready to receive him. 

"I'm so, so glad to hear that", he whispered, pecking her on the lips. He laid her back down at a gentle pace, now trapping her between his arms. His knee nestled between her legs as he hovered slightly above her on the bed.

"Because truly, I'm so very much in love with you, and I always have been..."

Suddenly their lips met, Hop's big gentle hands now on both of her cheeks, and Y/n's arms around his strong neck. They moved in perfect unison, their tongues meeting in a love-filled harmony. The sweet girl found herself being lavished with a flurry of heated kisses, and she returned to the angelic young man the same desperate fervor. Their puffy red lips connected over and over; tongues swirled around each other, making a delicious sound that sparked fire in the lovers' bellies. It was perfect, so perfectly beautiful; the pain of possibly losing each other and the pure joy of consequently joining together beat madly and deeply in the couple's hearts, causing them to beat together as one.

Air became a necessity, and they hastily broke away, chests heaving. 

"You're my everything, Y/n. Don't try anything like what you just did ever again. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you left me."


End file.
